The hard part often is not filling the hours. It is helping a child feel safe inside them. When a parent is away, the right activities for kids during parent deployment can do more than keep little hands busy - they can create predictability, comfort and connection on days that feel wobbly.
For ADF families, and for families in FIFO, emergency services or other roles that involve long absences, children often carry more than adults realise. Some will ask direct questions. Others will become clingier, quieter, more emotional, or suddenly very busy. That does not always mean something is going wrong. It often means they are trying to make sense of change in the way children do - through play, repetition, movement and everyday rituals.
Why activities matter during deployment
Children do not usually process separation by sitting down for a big conversation and neatly talking it through. More often, they work through it sideways. A game, a drawing, a bedtime routine or a silly little tradition can become the place where feelings come out safely.
That is why the best activities for kids during parent deployment are not always the fanciest ones. What helps most is choosing things that support one or more of these needs: emotional expression, connection with the deployed parent, a sense of control, physical regulation, and routine. One child may need active play after school because their body is carrying stress. Another may need quiet, repetitive tasks such as colouring or Lego because that helps them settle.
It also depends on age. Preschoolers often need simple and concrete activities they can return to again and again. Primary school children may enjoy projects with a beginning and an end, especially if they can share the result with the parent who is away.
10 activities for kids during parent deployment
1. Make a deployment countdown in a child-friendly way
A countdown can help children see that time is moving, even when the separation feels endless. For younger children, that might be paper links, stickers on a calendar, or moving a token along a track. For older children, it could be a wall chart with small milestones marked in.
The trade-off is that countdowns are not comforting for every child. Some become more anxious if the return date changes or feels too far away. If that is your child, shift the focus from the final reunion to the next small point of connection, like Saturday pancakes, a school event, or the next message from Mum or Dad.
2. Start a feelings journal or drawing book
Children often say more with pictures than words. A simple notebook where they can draw their day, write a few sentences, or choose colours to match their mood can give feelings somewhere to go.
Keep this low pressure. It does not need to become homework. Some children will fill pages. Others may only use it after a hard day. Both are fine. The point is not to produce something polished. It is to quietly show your child that all feelings are allowed and that home is a safe place to have them.
3. Create a connection ritual with the parent who is away
Connection feels stronger when it is predictable. If direct calls are not always possible, build a ritual around whatever is realistic. That could be listening to a recorded bedtime story, reading a note tucked into a lunchbox, or sending one drawing each Friday.
Small rituals matter because they turn an abstract absence into something a child can hold onto. They also reduce the pressure on live communication. Not every child can cheerfully jump on a video call. Some freeze, some get upset afterwards, and some refuse altogether. That is normal. Connection can still happen through simple, repeatable touches.
4. Build a comfort box
A comfort box gives children immediate access to things that help them feel steady. You might include family photos, a note from the deployed parent, a soft toy, a worry stone, a special book, or a familiar scent on a piece of fabric.
This works well because it gives children some control. On a hard afternoon, they do not have to wait for an adult to fix the feeling. They can go to their box and choose something that helps. For younger children, keep it visible and easy to reach. For older children, a more private version in their room may feel better.
5. Use imaginative play to work through separation
When children play families, soldiers, homes, travel or rescue missions, they are often processing real life. Dolls, teddies, toy vehicles, cubbies and small world play can all become ways to explore what it means when someone goes away and comes back.
Adults do not need to lead this too heavily. Follow your child’s cues. You might reflect what you notice - “That teddy looks like he is missing someone” - without jumping in to explain everything. Play gives children enough distance to explore big feelings safely.
6. Keep hands busy with repetitive, calming tasks
There is a reason many children settle when they are colouring, threading beads, doing puzzles, playing with clay or building with blocks. Repetitive activities can regulate the nervous system. They provide a rhythm that helps the body feel calmer.
These are especially useful after school, at bedtime, or after a disrupted call with the away parent. They are not a cure-all, but they can soften the edges of a hard day. If your child is highly active, try combining calm hand work with movement beforehand so they can actually sit and engage.
7. Make a memory or message project
Some children cope better when they feel they are doing something for the parent who is away. A running project can help. That might be a scrapbook of everyday photos, a folder of drawings, a jar of little notes, or a list of funny things that happened while they were gone.
This kind of activity reinforces connection and gives children a way to hold the absent parent in mind without feeling stuck in sadness. It also helps with reunion later, because children have stories and pieces of their life ready to share.
8. Create anchor routines around tough times of day
Not every helpful activity looks like craft. Sometimes the most effective support is what happens at the exact moment a child usually wobbles. If mornings are hard, a special breakfast ritual may help. If bedtime is the sticking point, add a consistent sequence such as bath, book, cuddle, song.
Children generally cope better with deployment when the shape of the day feels dependable. That does not mean every day must run perfectly. It means the child knows what comes next often enough to feel secure. Routine is not boring in this season. It is reassuring.
9. Get outside and let the body do some work
Big feelings often live in the body first. A walk to the park, kicking a footy, scooter laps on the path, watering the garden, or a backyard obstacle course can all help release tension that children cannot yet name.
Outdoor movement is particularly helpful for children who become snappy, restless or emotional after holding it together all day. Fresh air will not solve grief or worry, but it often makes the next conversation, meal or bedtime easier.
10. Share stories that reflect your family’s reality
Books can give children language they do not yet have. When a story reflects service life, absence and reunion in a child-friendly way, it helps children feel less alone. It can also make hard conversations gentler because you are talking through the characters first, not placing all the focus on your child.
This is one reason families often turn to purpose-made resources from brands like Sea Sky Land. A thoughtful story can become both an activity and an emotional support tool - something you return to at bedtime, after a wobble, or before a change in routine.
How to choose the right activity for your child
It helps to watch what your child is showing you, not just what they are saying. A child who becomes loud and physical may need movement before they can connect. A child who withdraws may respond better to drawing, reading or side-by-side play. Some children want lots of reminders of the parent who is away. Others need lighter touchpoints because too much focus makes the absence feel sharper.
You also do not need to turn deployment into a constant programme of meaningful activities. That can leave everyone exhausted. The goal is not to perfectly manage every feeling. It is to give your child a few dependable ways to express, regulate and stay connected.
If an activity is not landing, let it go. Try another one later. Support during deployment works best when it feels simple enough to keep using on ordinary days, not just the really hard ones.
When activities are not enough on their own
Sometimes a child’s distress needs more than home-based support. If you are seeing persistent sleep issues, major behaviour changes, ongoing withdrawal, school refusal, or anxiety that is building rather than easing, it may help to speak with a trusted health professional, school support staff, or a defence family support service.
That is not a sign you have failed. It is a sign you are paying attention. Children do best when the adults around them notice early and respond with care.
There is no perfect way to carry a family through time apart. But a calm routine, a few steady rituals and the right activity at the right moment can remind a child of something they need to know again and again - they are safe, they are deeply loved, and they do not have to handle this change on their own.