A posting can begin with a grown-up conversation at the kitchen bench, a new location on a map, or a box appearing in the garage. For a child, though, it can feel as if their whole familiar world has suddenly shifted. Knowing how to explain postings simply gives them something steadier than vague reassurance: clear words, room for feelings and the confidence that their family will face the change together.
Children do not need every detail of an ADF posting. They need the truth in a form their age can hold. They need to know what will change, what will stay the same, who will look after them and that they are unconditionally loved through every part of the move.
Start with the meaning, not the military language
Words such as posting, relocation, unit and orders may be normal language in a defence household. To young children, they can sound confusing or even worrying. Start with the simple meaning before introducing the official term.
You might say: ‘Mum’s job in Defence means our family will be moving to live in a different place for a while. This is called a posting.’ For a child who is old enough to understand more, add that postings happen because service families are needed in different places to do important work.
Keep the explanation concrete. Children generally understand ‘we will live in Darwin instead of Adelaide’ far more easily than ‘we have received a new posting’. If you do not yet know the suburb, school or moving date, say so plainly: ‘We know we are moving, but we are still waiting to find out exactly where we will live.’
That honesty matters. Promising answers you do not have can make uncertainty feel bigger later. Calmly admitting ‘I don’t know yet’ also teaches children that not knowing everything is uncomfortable, but manageable.
How to explain postings simply at each age
The right explanation depends on your child’s age, personality and previous experience with moves or separations. A preschooler often needs short sentences and repeated reassurance. A primary-school child may want practical details about friends, sport, pets and their new classroom. Older children may have stronger opinions, deeper worries and very fair questions about why they have to leave.
For a young child, try: ‘We are moving house because of Dad’s work. You will come with us. We will pack your toys, and we will make your new bedroom feel like home.’ They may ask the same question many times. Repeating the same warm answer is not a failure to understand. Repetition is one way children make a big change feel safe enough to process.
For a school-aged child, offer a little more: ‘The Army has asked Mum to work in a new location. We will move there together around the end of term. We will find out about your school before we go, and we will make a plan for staying in touch with your friends.’
With older children, allow space for mixed feelings. They may understand the reason for the posting and still be angry about leaving friends, a team or a relationship. Both things can be true. Avoid trying to turn disappointment into excitement too quickly. A response such as ‘You don’t have to be happy about leaving, and we will work through this as a family’ can be far more comforting than ‘You’ll love it once we get there.’
Name what changes and what stays
A posting contains many separate changes, and children can struggle when they are all bundled into one big unknown. Break the move into smaller, understandable pieces. Talk about the house, school, travel, favourite activities, friendships and the people who will still be part of their life.
It can help to make two simple columns together: things that are changing and things that are staying. This is not about pretending the hard parts are small. It is about helping your child see that a new postcode does not erase their family, routines or connections.
Some things that may stay include bedtime stories, Saturday pancakes, video calls with grandparents, a favourite teddy, family traditions and the love between them and the people they are leaving behind. If one parent will travel ahead, be away for work or have a demanding period during the move, explain that too in direct language. Children often notice tension or last-minute changes even when adults try to protect them from it.
Say: ‘Dad will go first to start work and help get the house ready. You and I will join him in three weeks. We will count the sleeps together.’ A calendar with key dates can make time visible, especially for younger children.
Make room for the feelings that do not fit neatly
A child may be thrilled by a new room one minute and tearful about leaving their teacher the next. They might become clingy, cross, quiet, silly or seemingly uninterested. These reactions are not necessarily a sign that you have explained the posting badly. They are often a child’s way of showing that the change feels large.
Rather than asking only, ‘Are you excited?’, try gentler questions: ‘What do you think you might miss?’, ‘What are you wondering about?’, or ‘What feels tricky about moving?’ Drawing, play, reading together or talking in the car can be easier than a face-to-face family meeting.
When a child shares a worry, resist the urge to solve every part immediately. Begin by naming it: ‘You really wish your best friend could come too.’ Then offer a practical next step where possible: ‘Let’s ask their family about regular calls and choose some photos for your room.’ Feeling heard helps children cope, even when the answer cannot be changed.
Give your child a small, real role
Children have very little control over whether a posting happens. Offering safe choices gives them a sense of participation without placing adult responsibility on their shoulders. They might choose the colour of a storage box for their room, help create a farewell card, pick which special items travel with them, or help mark their new location on a map.
A moving countdown can also help, but it depends on the child. Some children find crossing off days reassuring; others become more anxious when the date is constantly visible. Watch their response and adjust. There is no single right ritual for every defence family.
Keep one familiar routine protected where you can. It could be a weekly family movie, a regular walk, a favourite book before bed or a shared call with loved ones. During a move, small predictable moments tell a child that family life still has a shape.
Use stories to practise the conversation
Children often understand hard experiences more easily through a character’s story than through a direct question about themselves. A book about moving, service life or saying goodbye can give them language for feelings they have not yet been able to name. You can pause and ask, ‘How do you think they feel about leaving?’ or ‘Have you ever felt a bit like that?’
At Sea Sky Land, our stories are made with care for defence-connected children who are learning to make sense of postings, deployments and time apart. The aim is not to make change disappear. It is to give families a gentle starting point for honest conversations, reassurance and connection.
This approach can also support FIFO, emergency service and frontline families. The details may differ, but children across these households can recognise the same feelings: missing someone, not knowing exactly what is ahead and wanting to feel included in the family plan.
Keep talking after the first conversation
Explaining a posting is rarely a one-off chat. New questions often arrive when children see removal boxes, say goodbye to a friend or walk into a new school. Return to the conversation in small moments, using the same clear language and reassuring them that every feeling is welcome.
If worry begins to affect sleep, school attendance, eating, play or everyday enjoyment for more than a short adjustment period, reach out for extra support. A trusted teacher, GP, school wellbeing staff member or defence family support service can help your child feel understood and give your family practical guidance.
You do not need perfect words to help your child through a posting. You only need truthful, age-appropriate ones, offered with patience and love. Each conversation tells them something powerful: change may be part of family life, but they never have to carry it alone.