The suitcase by the door, the calendar suddenly full of crossed-off days, the change in a parent’s routine - children notice it all. To use storybooks during separation is not to make a deployment, exercise, posting or shift away disappear. It is to give your child a safe, familiar place to make sense of what is changing, and to be reminded that they are unconditionally loved.
For ADF families, and for families connected to FIFO work, emergency services, police, fire and ambulance roles, time apart can bring pride, worry, frustration and sadness into the same week. Young children may not have the words for those feelings yet. A well-chosen story can lend them the words, without asking them to explain more than they are ready to share.
Why stories help when a parent is away
Children often understand difficult experiences through play, pictures and repetition before they can talk about them directly. When a character misses a parent, feels cross about a goodbye, or worries that things at home will change, your child can listen from a comfortable distance. The feeling belongs to the character first. That can make it less frightening to recognise in themselves.
Storybooks also make room for the mixed feelings that separation can bring. A child can be proud of Mum or Dad’s job and still wish they were home. They can enjoy a video call and still cry afterwards. Neither feeling cancels out the other. Seeing this reflected in a story helps children understand that there is no wrong way to feel about someone they love being away.
For parents and caregivers, a book creates a gentle starting point. Rather than beginning with, “Are you sad?”, which can feel too big or too direct, you might ask, “How do you think the character felt when they said goodbye?” A child may answer about the character, about themselves, or simply listen. All three responses are useful.
How to use storybooks during separation
The most helpful reading does not need to be a formal lesson. It works best when it becomes a small, dependable part of family life. Read the book before a parent leaves, then return to it during the separation and again when they come home. Each reading may bring out a different thought or feeling.
Read before the goodbye, if you can
The days before a departure are often busy. There may be packing, paperwork, last-minute errands and a parent trying to be fully present while preparing to go. Reading together can create a quiet pause among all that activity.
Choose a calm time, perhaps after dinner or before bed, and let your child hold the book or turn the pages. Use clear, truthful language that suits their age. You might say, “Dad will be away for work. You will be looked after every day, and we will keep loving each other while he is gone.” Avoid promises you cannot control, such as an exact return date if plans may change.
If the story includes a farewell, pause there. Ask what the character might take with them to remember home. This can lead naturally to choosing a small comfort item, drawing a picture for the travelling parent, or making a simple plan for connection.
Let your child lead the conversation
A storybook is an invitation, not a test. Some children will want to ask many questions. Others will want to read the same page repeatedly, point at a picture, or change the subject. Repetition can be reassuring. So can silence.
Try open, low-pressure prompts such as, “What do you notice?”, “Has our family ever felt a bit like this?” or “What could help the character on a hard day?” If your child says something unexpected, resist the urge to rush in and fix it. A simple response such as, “That makes sense. Missing someone can feel really hard,” tells them their feelings have a place with you.
It also helps to name emotions beyond sadness. Children may feel worried, left out, angry, confused or even relieved by a calmer routine. Saying, “You can love Mum and feel cross that she is away,” gives them permission to be honest without worrying they will upset you.
Build a reading ritual that stays steady
When life feels uncertain, predictable moments matter. A familiar book at bedtime can become an anchor, especially if routines are different while one parent is away. It does not have to happen every night. What matters is that your child knows it is available.
You might keep the book in a special spot near the bed, read it after a video call, or choose it for the nights when your child seems more unsettled. If the deployed or travelling parent can record themselves reading a favourite story before they leave, that recording may be comforting too. For some children, though, hearing their parent’s voice may make them more upset. It depends on the child and the stage of the separation. Follow their cues and offer the recording without pressure.
Use the pictures as much as the words
Young children often communicate through what they see. Pause to notice facial expressions, body language and small details in the illustrations. “That character is holding tight to their teddy. I wonder why?” can open a conversation more easily than a direct question about your child’s own worries.
After reading, your child may want to draw a picture, act out a scene with toys, or make a card for the parent who is away. These are not extra tasks to get right. They are ways for children to keep processing the story in their own language.
Choose stories that reflect your family with care
Generic books about missing someone can be useful, but defence-connected children can feel especially seen when a story reflects the realities of service life. They may recognise uniforms, farewells, distance, unpredictable plans and the quiet strength of the parent or caregiver at home.
Look for books that are honest without being frightening. A helpful story acknowledges that goodbyes are hard, shows trusted adults caring for the child, and reinforces connection across distance. It should not suggest that children need to be brave all the time, or that being upset is a problem to overcome quickly.
Age matters too. Preschool-aged children usually need simple language, clear routines and pictures that help them understand what is happening now. Primary-aged children may want more detail and may ask practical questions about where their parent is, when they will return or why their work matters. Answer what you know honestly, and it is okay to say, “I don’t know yet, but I will tell you when I do.”
Some children do not want a book that feels too close to home. If a military-themed story brings up more worry than comfort, choose a story about friendship, feelings, travel or staying connected instead. The right book is the one your child can return to safely.
Keep connection present, not perfect
Stories can sit alongside the practical ways your family stays connected: a calendar, photos, a recorded message, a note in a lunchbox or a small object that belongs to the parent away. The book can help explain why these things matter. They are reminders that love continues even when routines, locations and contact times change.
Be mindful not to turn every reading into a conversation about the absent parent. Sometimes children need a story simply because it is cosy and familiar. Joy, ordinary play and laughter are not distractions from coping. They are part of coping.
When contact is missed or a return plan changes, return to the story with calm honesty. You might say, “This is one of those hard changes we did not expect. We can feel disappointed, and we can still be safe and loved.” A story cannot remove the disappointment, but it can help your child feel less alone inside it.
When bigger support may be needed
Changes in sleep, clinginess, tears or big emotions are common around separation, especially for younger children. Give these feelings time, comfort and consistency. If distress is intense, continues for weeks, or begins to affect school, friendships, eating or daily life, speak with your child’s GP, school wellbeing team or another trusted health professional. Reaching out is a caring step, not a sign that your family has failed to cope.
A storybook will not say every word your child needs to hear. What it can do is create a warm space where those words are easier to find. Read slowly, stay close, and let your child know that however far away their loved one is, they do not have to carry the feelings of separation on their own.