A posting message can change a child’s whole sense of what is familiar. A deployment or lengthy exercise can bring questions that do not have easy answers: When will Mum be home? Will my room look the same? Who will pick me up from school? The top resources for military children are the ones that make room for those questions, while helping children feel safe, included and unconditionally loved.
For ADF families, practical support works best when it is not saved for the hard day. A story read before bed, a conversation with a teacher, or a predictable Saturday ritual can become a steady point when the rest of family life is changing. The right mix depends on your child’s age, temperament and what your family is facing, but no parent needs to carry it alone.
Start with what your child needs right now
Before looking for a program, book or service, pause and consider the change through your child’s eyes. A preschooler may need simple language and reassurance that their parent will return. A primary-school child might want facts, a visual countdown and permission to feel cross as well as sad. Older children may prefer privacy, connection with peers who understand service life, and a role in planning what comes next.
The resource itself matters less than the feeling it creates: I can ask about this. My feelings are not a problem. The adults around me have a plan.
It can help to choose one resource for understanding what is happening, one for maintaining connection, and one for extra support outside the home. That keeps things manageable. Handing a worried child five new activities at once may feel like more change, not more comfort.
Top resources for military children and their families
Defence family support services
Defence support services can be a valuable first stop when a posting, deployment, illness, separation or return home is affecting family wellbeing. Defence Member and Family Support can help families understand available supports, connect with local services and find guidance suited to the circumstances. Availability and eligibility can vary, so it is worth checking current options through official Defence channels.
For some families, the most helpful part is simply speaking with someone who already understands that a parent can be physically safe yet still absent for weeks or months. You do not have to explain why a last-minute change to plans matters so much to a child who has already said goodbye more than once.
School and early learning support
Children spend a large part of their day at school, preschool or childcare. Letting a trusted educator know about an upcoming absence, return, move or difficult patch gives them context for changes in behaviour, concentration or friendships.
Many Australian schools have Defence School Mentor Programs or other supports for Defence-connected students. These may offer lunchtime groups, transition help, peer connection or a familiar staff member to check in with. The format differs between schools, and not every child will want to attend a group. Even so, knowing there is one adult at school who understands military family life can be deeply reassuring.
A short, practical conversation is enough. Share the dates your child knows, any words your family uses for the absence, and what helps when they are upset. Ask the educator to contact you if they notice a pattern, rather than waiting until a small worry becomes a bigger one.
Books that give children language for big feelings
A carefully chosen story can open a conversation without putting a child on the spot. When a character misses a parent, worries about a move, or finds a way to stay connected during time apart, children can recognise their own experience at a safe distance.
Look for books that reflect service life honestly but gently. They should make space for mixed feelings rather than insisting children must be brave, happy or proud all the time. Stories are especially useful for younger children, who often communicate more through play, repeated questions and small comments than direct discussion.
Sea Sky Land books are created with care for defence-connected children, using child-friendly stories to help families talk about postings, deployments, exercises and uncertainty. Reading together is not about finding the perfect response. It is about creating a regular moment where your child knows they will be heard.
You can extend a story with a simple question: “Has anything like that happened in our family?” If the answer is no, leave it there. If the answer is yes, listen first. Children do not always need a solution straight away.
Connection rituals during time apart
Connection does not need to be elaborate to be meaningful. What matters is that it is predictable enough for a child to count on, while flexible enough to cope with operational realities. A missed call can be disappointing, but it should not feel like a broken promise.
Some families create a small routine around contact: a recorded bedtime message, a postcard in the mail, a shared joke, a photo of the day, or a soft toy that travels between home and the deployed parent. A calendar can help children see the passage of time, though for very young children it is often better to focus on familiar markers such as “after three more sleeps at kindy”.
When contact is uncertain, frame it carefully. Try, “We hope to hear from Dad this weekend, and if we cannot, it means he is busy doing his job. We will still do our pancake breakfast.” This protects the ritual your child can rely on, rather than tying their sense of security to a call that may be beyond anyone’s control.
Defence-connected peers and community
Children often relax when they realise they are not the only one whose parent leaves for work in uniform, moves house, or misses a birthday. Peer programs, local family events and informal connections with other Defence families can reduce the feeling of being different.
This does not mean every child needs a large social group or wants to talk about military life. For a quiet child, one familiar friend who understands why plans sometimes change may be enough. For another, a group activity or transition event can make a new location feel less daunting.
Community is also support for the parent or caregiver at home. A neighbour who can help with a school pick-up, another parent who understands the strain of solo bedtime, or a friend who checks in after a departure can give you more emotional space to be present with your child.
Professional support when worries are growing
Big emotions are a normal part of family separation and change. But extra support is wise when worries start getting in the way of daily life. This might look like ongoing sleep difficulties, frequent tummy aches with no clear medical cause, withdrawal from friends, intense anger, persistent sadness, or a sharp change at school.
A GP, school wellbeing staff member, counsellor or child psychologist can help you work out what is happening and what support will suit your child. Seeking help is not an overreaction or a sign that you have failed to cope. It is another way of showing your child that their wellbeing matters.
If your family is connected to FIFO work or emergency services such as police, ambulance or fire and rescue, the same principle applies. The details of the job may differ, but children still need truthful, age-appropriate explanations, dependable routines and permission to miss the person who is away.
Help resources become part of everyday life
The best resources are usually the ones used in ordinary moments, not only during a crisis. Keep a book near the couch, make room for feelings during the drive home, and give your child small choices where you can. They might choose a photo for a parent’s bag, decide what to include in a care parcel, or pick the meal for reunion night.
Avoid making children the emotional caretaker of the family. It is fine to say you miss your partner too, but let them know the grown-ups have support and a plan. Children feel safer when they can be children, even while they are learning resilience.
There will be days when the carefully prepared routine falls apart, someone is overtired, and feelings spill over at the most inconvenient time. Come back to the smallest helpful thing: sit close, name what is hard, and remind your child that they do not have to manage it by themselves. That quiet, repeated message can travel with them through every goodbye and every new beginning.