The days before a departure can feel unexpectedly busy. There may be uniforms to prepare, travel details to confirm, school lunches to make and family time to fit in. For a child, though, the biggest part of the week may be a feeling they cannot yet explain. When you use feelings cards before departure, you create a gentle pause where that feeling can be noticed, named and shared.
For Defence-connected children, a parent leaving for a deployment, exercise, course or posting can bring many emotions at once. The same can be true for children in FIFO, emergency services, policing and ambulance families. They may feel proud and worried, excited and cross, close to their parent and already sad about them going. None of those feelings is wrong. A simple card can help make room for all of them.
Why feelings cards can help before a parent goes away
Young children do not always say, “I’m anxious about Dad leaving,” or, “I’m worried Mum will miss my concert.” Instead, feelings may appear through clinginess, tears at bedtime, tummy aches, irritability or a sudden refusal to talk about the departure at all.
Feelings cards give children another way in. A picture of a worried face, a storm cloud or a shaky body can be easier to point to than finding the right words. For children who are beginning to read, an emotion word paired with an image can build their language over time. For older primary-school children, cards can offer a starting point for a more detailed conversation.
They also remind children that there is no single ‘right’ response to a parent going away. A child can choose a happy card because they are looking forward to special time with their other parent or caregiver. They can choose an angry card because the timing feels unfair. They can choose more than one card, change their mind tomorrow, or choose no card at all. This flexibility matters.
How to use feelings cards before departure
Choose a quiet moment when there is no rush to get out the door. This might be after dinner, during a calm weekend morning or while sitting together before bed. It does not need to be a big family meeting. Ten unhurried minutes can be enough.
Place a small selection of cards where your child can see them. Avoid asking, “Are you sad?” as this can make children feel they are expected to give a particular answer. Try an open invitation instead: “Dad is going away for work soon. Which cards show how you feel about that today?”
If your child chooses a card, stay curious rather than trying to solve the feeling straight away. You might say, “You picked worried. I can see why you might feel worried,” followed by, “What is your worry telling you?” They may have a practical concern, such as who will take them to sport, or a bigger one, such as whether their parent will be safe. Both deserve a calm, honest response.
When a child cannot choose, you can model without taking over. “I think I’m feeling proud of Mum and a little sad that she’ll miss breakfast with us. I wonder whether any of these cards fit for you?” This shows that mixed feelings are welcome in your family.
It can help to finish with one small connection plan. After talking about a lonely card, perhaps your child chooses a photo to keep by their bed. After choosing a frustrated card, you may agree on a time they can help record a voice message. The aim is not to make a difficult feeling disappear. It is to let your child know they will be supported through it.
Keep the questions simple and specific
Broad questions can be hard for young children, particularly when they are already carrying a lot. Start with what they can see and feel: “Which face looks most like you?” or “Is there a card for the hardest part of Mum going away?”
Then gently move towards what would help. Ask, “What could we do when that feeling shows up?” A child might want extra cuddles, a countdown calendar, a note in their lunchbox or permission to have a cry. Their answer may surprise you. A child who appears very settled may be worried about a small change in routine, while a tearful child may mostly want clear information about when their parent will return.
Be careful not to promise what you cannot control. Service schedules and communication can change. Rather than saying, “Dad will call every night,” you might say, “Dad will contact us when he can, and we will keep sending messages and thinking of ways to stay close.” Honest reassurance builds trust, even when the details are uncertain.
Make it a rhythm, not a one-off conversation
Feelings shift as departure gets closer. A child may seem fine two weeks out, then become upset as bags are packed. Checking in regularly makes it easier for them to speak before emotions become too big.
Try bringing out the cards every few days in the lead-up, or at a predictable time such as Sunday afternoon. Keep it low-pressure. “Would you like to choose a card today, or shall we just sit together?” Children need to know that talking is available, not compulsory.
The cards can stay useful after the goodbye as well. A child may choose a missing-you card after school, a proud card when they receive a message, or a disappointed card when a planned call does not happen. Returning to the same familiar tool gives them continuity when family life feels different.
What to do when big feelings come up
Sometimes a card activity opens a door to tears, anger or a question you were not expecting. That does not mean you have done it wrong. It may mean your child has felt safe enough to share what has been sitting inside.
Start by grounding the moment. Sit nearby, offer comfort if they want it, and name what you are noticing: “This feels really big right now.” You do not need a perfect answer. Children often need your steady presence more than a speech.
If they say they do not want their parent to go, resist the urge to correct them with “But you know they have to.” You can hold both truths: “You wish they could stay, and they do need to go to work. It makes sense to feel upset about that.” This lets a child feel heard without suggesting the departure will change.
For ongoing changes in sleep, eating, behaviour, friendships or school engagement, it may be helpful to speak with your child’s educator, GP or a qualified child and family professional. Seeking support is not a sign that your family is failing. It is a caring response to a demanding season.
Choosing cards that feel right for your child
The best feelings cards are clear, sturdy and suited to your child’s age. Younger children often respond well to expressive illustrations and a smaller group of familiar emotions. Too many choices can be overwhelming. Older children may appreciate more nuanced words, such as disappointed, left out, relieved, hopeful or nervous.
Cards do not need to be elaborate to work. You can use purpose-made cards, draw faces together, print pictures or write emotion words on paper. What matters most is the conversation and the sense that every feeling has a place.
It is also worth considering whose faces and family experiences children see in the materials you use. Resources made with care for Defence-connected children can help them recognise that other families understand the unusual rhythms of service life. Sea Sky Land’s stories and activities are designed to support these small but meaningful conversations at home.
A gentle goodbye starts before the goodbye
There is no way to make every departure easy. Some goodbyes will still come with tears, tight hugs or a child who becomes quiet just when you hoped to talk. Feelings cards are not a cure for missing someone. They are a practical way to say, again and again, “You are unconditionally loved, your feelings matter, and we will face this time together.”
Before the bags are at the door, make space for one card, one honest feeling and one moment of connection. That small ritual can travel with a child long after the goodbye.